Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Covfefe is Twitter for "Help Me"

                                            -- Vanity Fair, 7/31/17: The president feeds on other people's credibility.

I'm not having fun any more, the President tweeted as he raced around the maze, devouring everything in sight.** It's just the same thing over and over again. I swear, it's like I'm in a prison.  

His tweet actually read, "Beleaguered Beauregard has betrayed me and the American people. What is he still doing here? Sad!" It was the three hundredth time he had tweeted something like this. He still didn't feel better. It was him that was sad. He kept eating.  

I wonder if this is what the Israelites felt like in the desert. The manna never looked great to begin with, but after a couple weeks of the stuff? Come on. 

"The Democrats and the Republicans, united in their inability to fix your health care. Drain the swamp!" Would someone please free him from his swamp?

Turning a corner, he found himself face to face with his new communications director. The director immediately headed his way. With a couple quick turns the president knew he could power up and devour him. Until recently, that's what he always did, and took great joy in it. 

But stuck here in a Beltway every bit as daunting as the Minotaur's maze, he considered another course. Let the man come, without repercussions. Let him say or do what he needed to. Stop eating. Stop running. Be. It sounded exquisite. 

But there was something about the man's face. Something handsome. And he was still hungry. And honestly, the past that chased him was too enormous for him to ever stop running. 

"Good riddance to low energy trash. #MAGA" he tweeted as a whole new screen popped up, filled with more of the same. Jesus, help me. 

** Pac-Man was the brainchild of Toru Iwatani, a Japanese video game designer who came up with the idea of a game about eating while eating a pizza. (The only idea I have ever had while eating a pizza was "I should eat more pizza." Then again, maybe that fits.)

Seeing his pizza missing two slices gave Iwatani the idea for the look of the character. (Imagine if the pizza had been ham and pineapple. Or he had been eating haggis.)

The name "Pac-Man" actually comes from the Japanese word to describe the sound our mouths make when open and closed quickly over and over, "paku-paku". Which means today the game would be called Nom Nom Man. And to my mind that insight alone justifies the time I spent looking into this.